Single and Strong: Navigating Life by Not Dating After Divorce
Brette Sember
Legal content thought leader/editor.
After your divorce, friends and family may ask you if you’re ready to jump back into dating or expect you to want to. While many people want to date once they are divorced, it’s ok if you’re not interested in dating after divorce.
There can be benefits to staying single for now or forever and the choice is entirely up to you. You might not want to date now, but it could be something you would consider in the future.
Key Takeaways
It’s perfectly fine to feel as though you are not wanting to date after divorce.
There are some benefits to having no interest in dating.
People may pressure you to “get back out there,” but it’s up to you to decide if or when you are ready to date.
Embracing the single life allows you to feel good about where you are right now.
There are signs to be aware of that will let you know that you’re ready to date again.
Understanding the Decision
Choosing not to date after a divorce is a normal reaction and one that might make a lot of sense for you. You might decide not to date after your divorce for a variety of reasons:
You need time to process and heal from your divorce
You’re worried you make bad relationship choices
You want time to rediscover who you are as a single person
You need the freedom of being alone for now
Your divorce was financially difficult and you need time to become economically stable
You want to go to therapy and get clarity on relationships
You want to focus on your career and your friends and family
You feel you made mistakes in your marriage and don’t want to repeat them
You don’t know what you want in a partner
You have children and don’t want to complicate things for them
Whatever your reason, deciding not to date after a divorce is a good decision if it is what works for you.
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The Benefits of Staying Single
Choosing to remain single can bring a lot of benefits. You can take time to get closure on your divorce and recover from the stress and pain of the divorce. If you have children, deciding not to date allows you to focus on their needs and avoid the turmoil that dating could bring for them.
Staying single allows you to put all of your energy towards other areas of your life that you might have neglected during your marriage and divorce. This could be a time for you to change jobs, go back to school, or work towards a promotion at your current job.
Staying out of the dating pool keeps you focused on these goals.
You may feel you have some evolving to do as a person and choosing not to date allows you to focus on yourself and loving yourself. You can take the time to grow as needed.
Staying out of the dating pool gives you some time to acclimate to being single and to see what the dating world really looks like now. Having time to understand how it works and how to cope with it can allow you to become fully prepared before jumping into it in the future.
Dating unquestionably makes life a bit more complicated and if you aren’t ready to jump back in, it allows you to have a time of quiet and peace.
The divorce may have made you question your judgment when it comes to relationships. Staying single gives you time to think about what kind of person you’re looking for.
You might feel you are not attracted to anyone after divorce. Not dating gives you the time and peace to love yourself and take a break from the confusion of meeting and evaluating new people at a time when you feel like your heart is just not in it.
Coping with External Pressure
Your friends, family, and co-workers may automatically assume that you’re going to date once you are divorced. It’s a common societal expectation that as soon as you are divorced, you’re ready to hit the town and date every single person in a five-mile radius.
If you decide you’re not ready, you may have to field a lot of questions and comments from people who assume you’re already out there shopping for a new partner. Additionally, people may try to set you up on dates.
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It can be disconcerting to feel like you have to defend yourself and your personal choices. Remember that you don’t have to explain yourself and your decisions. If people ask if you’re dating, you can just say no, you’re not ready yet.
If people try to set you up with their friends, thank them and explain you’re not ready to date right now but will let them know if that changes.
In large group settings, it can be easiest just to nod and agree with people when they assume you’re combing through dating sites and evaluating everyone you meet as a potential date, but you absolutely can speak up and say that’s not who you are right now.
Do whatever feels comfortable at the moment, and remember that you get to decide when you’re ready to date, and no one else can know when that will be.
Practical Tips for Embracing Single Life
You’re going through a transition at this time in your life, coming out of a marriage and adjusting to being single again. Follow these tips to navigate this season of your life:
Create a support system. Talk to close friends and family about what you’re feeling and how you’re adjusting to being single.
Do your research. You might not be ready to date now, but it may be a possibility in the future. Take some time to understand dating apps or where your single friends go to meet people.
Have fun. Do things you enjoy and that bring you pleasure.
Try new things. Be open to new activities, hobbies, and people. You might be surprised and discover things you truly enjoy.
See a therapist. Therapy can help you get closure on your divorce and can also help you work through worries or fears you have about dating again, should you ever decide to try it.
Focus on the positives. View being single as an opportunity and a gift. Enjoy having your own home, your own schedule, your own bank account, and your own peace.
Prioritize happiness. Make decisions that support your happiness. Be selfish and put yourself first.
Signs That You Might Be Ready to Start Dating Again
It’s hard to predict when you might be ready to start dating, but there are signs you can watch for that indicate the time is right.
You feel you have healed from the divorce and are no longer hung up on it.
Your divorce has been legally finalized.
The idea of a new relationship is exciting, not scary.
You love and accept yourself for who you are.
You have time to devote to the dating process.
You feel positive about your future.
You know what you want in a partner.
You find other people attractive.
You’re willing to take a chance on other people.
You are realistic about the dating scene.
Ultimately, it may come down to simply knowing deep inside yourself when the time is right and trusting yourself to make the right choice.
Final Thoughts
After your divorce, you might feel like you are never dating again, and that’s okay. Taking the time to care for yourself is important and you can communicate that to the people in your life. You may find you are ready to date again in the future.
Sources
Other Articles:
6 Reasons Why Friendship with an Ex Often Fails
8 Warning Signs Your Marriage is Headed for Divorce After Infidelity
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7 Things You May Face as an Adult Child of Divorce
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